| Helloo, Hope you are well. Adding a little preamble to this email to say thanks to Isaac for the v cool pictures that are propping up this week’s mess of an email. @isaac.herriott you are an excellent photographer. My hinge profile will forever be the better for it.  On Saturday, some guests were sailing our catamaran when they saw something bobbing in the water. It was an empty rum bottle, with a cork in the top, and as they sailed closer they noticed that this bottle had within it a roll of paper, held tightly by an elastic band. They pulled it out of the water and brought it to shore. It was, for half an hour or so, the talk of the hotel, and with people crowded around, the cork was removed and the note read.   Inside were two pages from a book, written in Romanian by a chap called Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov. With the wonders of modern technology, we translated the writing to discover some kind of Christian-based mindfulness book.   The opening lines: Every morning, before the day begins, retreat for a moment, with the idea of introducing peace and harmony within you, connecting with the Creator and consecrating Him, through prayer. Delightful. When night comes, do not rush, in the dark, to find a way out; first light a lamp and then act. A wholesome message, but we were left with so many questions. There was nothing about where the bottle was launched, who launched it, or when. But with the data collected by modern weather trackers, I realised it would be possible to track the journey of this bottle, day by day, as it was blown from island to island. After days of extensive research, chart-plotting and guesswork, I can now present this journey to you, in chronological order.   18th July – Glamping Site, Cazanele Mari, Romania On the border between Serbian and Romania, a group of spiritually minded hippie-types sit on the banks of the Danube river, within spitting distance of their eco pods. Someone strums the chords to wonderwall gently on an acoustic guitar as the bottle, containing the pages of the book, is corked up and lowered into the river. 29th July – the mouth of the Danube Having travelled over 1000km down the river, the bottle emerges in the Black Sea. After a few hours circulating off the coast of Ukraine, it is caught by a northerly wind and blown south, down towards Istanbul. 15th August – North of the Bosporus, Istanbul The Black Sea is entirely enclosed but for the Bosporus strait, which allows water to pass from the Black Sea to the Sea of Marmara and ultimately to the Mediterranean. Remarkably, our bottle is sucked through this narrow channel in the current. It leaves the Black Sea behind, and passes through the centre of Istanbul, past the famous minarets of the blue mosque and the Dolmabahçe Palace. It is spat out of the city within hours, and drifts for days in the Sea of Marmara. 28th August – Somewhere in the Aegean Sea The bottle has passed through the Dardanelles Strait, and is now lost in the Aegean Sea. The islands of the Aegean create currents and winds that cast our bottle around for days in different directions, but ultimately it progresses south. As it passes Mykonos, the thumping bassline of shitty beach bar music carries across the water. The bottle has a close shave with a cruise ship filled with elderly British tourists while crossing the busy shipping lane from Athens. 15th September – Ionian Sea After skirting around the mainland of Greece, the bottle is funnelled through the Ionian islands. After passing between Ithica and Kefalonia, an unlikely onshore breeze blows it into Vasiliki bay, where our guests are sailing.   And there you go. Fascinating stuff, eh? To be honest, I lost faith in that little tangent mid-way through writing it, but I’d spent far too much time working out a potential route for the bottle on google maps, researching place names etc to not include it. Fact is that the bottle probably came from a nearby bay or island – the Ionian islands receive a lot of Romanian tourists, and it seems likely that one of them would have brought a book on holiday with them. This big confusion is a fantastic reminder that if you’re going to launch a message in a bottle, it really is crucial to include a note saying where and when you launched it.   In other news, it’s September, and the wind is becoming less regular, less strong and less consistent. I have therefore prepared a set of jokes about how bad the wind is: – The wind today was like a Greek bus: you wait all day for it, then it never shows up. – It was so patchy you could make a quilt from it. – I’ve seen mosquito nets with less holes in them than today’s wind. – I don’t even think the pope is as holy as that wind.  I have been dining out on these cringy Dad jokes for days now. Literally, at times: on Monday I was on welcome meal duty, which involves eating a meal around a big table with the guests. Mixing with guests is a real lottery. Some have great chat, others less so. But regardless, spending the evening drawing blood from a 50-something year old stone is definitely improving my people skills. I’ve become very good at talking about: – Dogs – Yacht flotilla holidays – The challenges of looking after young children – How lazy/motivated/boring/anxious/lucky/unlucky my generation is – How lazy/motivated/boring/anxious/lucky/unlucky their generation was – Things that have changed in Vasiliki in the last 20 years (‘there never used to be railings on that bridge…’) On this Monday meal, I ended up with a chatty elderly couple and a reasonably chatty Scottish family (they didn’t buy me any drinks, typical). Despite being well practised at guest chat, I did create some awkwardness when I turned to the daughter of the Scottish couple and politely asked her whether she was in high school or college. Turns out she was a 27 year old chemist, working in a testing facility that measured fertiliser content in supermarket vegetables. But when it comes to guest chat, I must be doing something right: a guest from the last two weeks has taken a shine to me and is now trying to persuade the big boss at his company to give me a job. Doubt it’ll go anywhere but worth following these things through, right? I do like the idea of coming back to a proper job in November.  Christ that was long! You made it to the end wahooo! I have been writing this damn thing all afternoon. Time for a(nother) beer. Hope you’ve all had a fantastic week, can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to. Love, James |
Message in a Bottle
